My Toxic Animal Love Affair

 

I am an animal lover. I love anything nature oriented and creatures of this earth are gloriously spiritual that my soul is inclined to mingle and connect with them- to my detriment as a young child. See, as a kid I would see an animal and run towards it to pet it. I would have even run after a snake just to hug it and kiss it to show it just how much this human loves it. Of course no snake let me anywhere close for me to exercise my toxic love trait, thank goodness! They saved me from early childhood mortality and a statistic to be studied in schools and stories to be told by the fire place. I pay homage to the slithering reptiles! I am forever grateful.

I have come to accept that my toxic trait is smothering with love! I will love anything that has life. Add trees to that list. Yes! I am a tree hugger which makes me out to be a mad woman. I don't care. I love all living creatures.... I need to have a caveat though! Lizards do not make the list. Why you may ask? Buckle your belts! You are about to get into a bumpy story ride! As a child, I would see lizards at home and in as much as I was scared of them, I was constantly told they are harmless. In fact, it was a symbiotic relationship where these creatures would be tolerated in the house in return they would feast on mosquitoes. Considering Africa had a Malaria breakout and I was highly susceptible with monthly hospital visits due to the Plasmodium, I thought it best to accept the living arrangement UNTIL! One night when I was asleep, one reptile sibling decided to share my bed. I bet it was either cold or wanted to snuggle. Little bugger I think, missed its target on the bed and landed on my chest. This sibling I guess felt so warm and crawled his way down my chest settling on my tummy. I was having a dream and I wondered if I had an ice-cube melt on my torso as I was still dozy, I could not fathom what was to come next. I went ahead to touch my chest to investigate. Loh! It was not any any shape or form ice-cube shaped. It also kept on moving so I attempted to get it off which meant holding the cold 'ice-cube' as I switched on the light to investigate. Let me just say I woke up the whole neighbourhood with screams. I even broke the bed. I slept on the top deck of a double decker so you can imagine the fall. To make it worse, the bugger broke its tail and it was left slithering on my chest. Ladies and gentlemen, I am still not certain how I do not have a huge scar on my chest as I yanked that tail off with a broken piece of wood from the broken bed. I relocated my sleep to the living room for months. When I would go to upcountry and be sent to get water from the well near the river, lizards were in there and that is how I went back to my grandmother's house all dirty thanks to wriggling all over the mud escaping the lizards in the well. Yes! my 'jerrican' would be left in the river or well. That was the end of fetching water escapades. No apologies. To date, I am TERRIFIED of those little reptiles to a point of opting to sleep in my car till they are taken care of! My current caretakers know it is their duty to get rid of lizards in my house otherwise I will be their guest for eternity.

I have always thought of myself as a lover of cows.... The same cows however have a different note pad. See, my granny taught me how to milk a cow in one of the December holidays that my parents would ship me off to holiday with her. I spent two years in upcountry being brought up by my grand mother from ages two to four seeing that my dad was performing his dutiful first born duties taking care of his siblings and a new wife all in one breath! So, I got accustomed to farm life easily.... I lie! I did not because I can not farm to save my life but I think my love for animals was birthed in the slopes of Mt. Kenya in the highlands of Nyeri. I love cow milk. I did not breastfeed as a baby and I was a poor feeder meaning cow milk was introduced very early in life! At 2 weeks. You would think that the cows would adopt me as their own seeing that I rejected my mother's milk and instead replaced it with their creamy nourishment.... WRONG! Cows somehow feel the need to chase me around and kick me like a ball when they catch up. So? I run! When I was a child, I tried milking. Just before I got to five years of age. The legs were tied together, granny was seated on a wide bench like stool and instructed me on how milking was done. Ladies and Gentlemen, the milk dairy did not receive any milk from Wachege's Homestead! Milk had to be borrowed from my uncle's house next door because no sooner had I laid my fat fingers on the cow's udder than it knocked the milk urn in a bid to dismember my fingers! That was the end of my milking journey. At least for about 20 years because I tried it again in 2019 and it was a success! I digress. See, as children we play all over the compound. One day when playing hide and seek.. I was hiding... This cow saw it fit to run towards my hiding spot and kick me around. That was the end of that game. Many are the times cows would see me and start charging armed with horns with their target, any part of my body. I was a fat child. running was an issue but my admiration to have a chance at adulthood out pursued my chubbiness! To date, cows see me and still charge at me. I in turn enjoy their milk with a glee faced smile. I have one cow however as an exception that I would encounter in my adulthood. See? It was worth it to hold on to my adulthood admiration. Love finally found me in one of my uncle's cows that would see me and go straight for my bosom and start licking my chest. In my eyes, that cow had never seen a rack.. udder(for her)... so perky and her licks were a way to complement my well endowed perky breasts!

Dogs have a special place in my heart. Always have. As a child I really wanted to own a pup but my parents were concerned I would not be able to take care of the dog. So? I was made to wait.... FOR ETERNITY! This resulted to me befriending my friends and relatives' dogs. It was not a very smart move. All memories I have are of me petting a dog and it turning to chase my chubby self to oblivion! Funny! I was actually very fast for my stature. I attribute it to all the animals that chased me around. Well, maybe but one dog though I doubt that counts as he was super friendly and belonged to either my grandma or and my uncle. Same uncle with the cow that would lick my breasts. I think it was shared custody. His name was Shiba. He lived to be 28 years of age and was put down because he became delirious. It pained me. I was about 30 years of age. Back to my childhood.... I have an aunt who had German Shepherd dogs... I was below ten years of age. We had gone to visit and I saw it best to go to the backyard to pet these two huge dogs. I had been warned in numerous occasions about the dogs. I was told they were vicious. Especially to children they did not know. I did not listen. I mean, why would God's precious creatures have a problem with a child who had committed no sins right? WRONG! I sneaked out the backdoor when no one was watching and opened the kitchen back door to access the backyard. The dogs were ok. Playful even. Remember the toxic trait of running towards a snake and hugging it tightly and kissing it? I did that. At least that is what I can remember. In one swift motion what had developed into a blossoming relationship... or so I thought... turned into a deep bite on my left thigh. I was wearing shorts. I always wore shorts as a kid. The dog left with some flesh. I must have screamed my lungs out because all the grown ups came dashing out of the kitchen to investigate. Two seconds later, one was holding what looked like a 1 litre of Dettol and pouring it down my now thigh hole. The wound was agape. I had to be taken to hospital for treatment and adorned a bandage after that, that lasted a few weeks. I am now thankful for the fleshy child I was because I think the extra flesh moved around to cover the ejected portion. I now have a tiny black scar that is hardly noticeable and the skin underneath seems to be packed with flesh! A blessing! My other memorable dog experience is when I broke into my neighbour's house to pet her dog and turned violent which set me running for my life. The dog jumped over the gate! You should have seen my almost teenage self running calling all my ancestors to rescue me. See, I had been warned numerous of times not to pet the dog. I never listened. I would even steal meat at home to go feed it. That did not matter. This dog fancied chasing me around any time he got as that was not the first or last time it happened. I guess the dog cared for my health and wanted me to lose weight? I never let him catch up for me to have that conversation. I would run every time he looked like he wants to chase! What is weird, I adopted a dog in my early 20's and had him for 9 years. Noel was the best dog any human would ever ask for. She restored my dignity in dog chases. She chased others and protected me!

As a child, I never partook in chicken feasts. Why would I be part of consuming a tiny animal that would ravage demonic havoc and question your very existence? We kept chickens every now and then at home. They stunk up the place! My granny also had chickens. Her's were clean- I guess it was because their coop was beneath the granary hence minimal cleaning- unlike the zero grazing Nairobi ones that were on concrete. The Nairobi ones were also very noisy and temperamental! I bet they missed their ancestral free spirited natural habitat. Nairobi chickens will make you question God on why he chose to put you on this earth! Picture this, I am busy minding my own business as a child who never spoke much. I have a novel in hand to avoid speaking to people and all dressed up in shorts ready to go for a family outing then a chicken from nowhere comes attacking for no apparent reason pushing my spectacles off my face, I step on them because I am so horrified as I am not sure what instigated the attack. Chicken poops all over my head and clean clothes and I am now covered in feathers! My most priced possession- novel- is now in tartars in a heap on the floor! Chickens saw me and attacked me. This made me loathe chicken meat and at eight years of age, develop an insane egg allergy that still stands to date! I can not touch eggs or an egg dish or else I risk hospitalisation. Oh yes! I still fear chickens and avoid contact in holding them and any eye contact lest they poke my eyes out! Silver lining is that, I now devour chicken! It is my best meal. Take that chicken! I got a power move on you!

 Still on the feather island, my brother and I rescued a tiny bird back when we were kids. We were below ten years of age. This bird had a broken wing and we nursed it, giving it food and water whilst the wing was bandaged. We did the nursing. It was quite something to be in the classroom all day and think about your bird whilst the teacher blubbered in front of the classroom trying to impact knowledge. I thought of nothing but my bird and would urge the school driver to drive a little faster just so as I could get home to my pet. Time came when we thought the wing was fully healed and we undid the bandage and taught the bird how to fly. I am not sure what we expected. I think in our young twisted minds we thought the little bird will be flying around the bulb like a moth does circling it for warmth. Ladies and Gentlemen, the bird learnt how to fly and off it flapped its wings out of our lives never to return again. That really hurt. I was without a pet and behind on school work. I now want to adopt a parrot. At least we can be having a conversation. I just hope he will hold the fort and not fly out of my life like his feathery cousin!

See, land animals are not the only ones I adopted. I had to get rebound babies after my bird flew away. At one point I went to the sewers and we harvested fish. They were clean sewers that we would crawl into and play. There were some swimmers and we were convinced they were fish. Some even had interesting colours! I guess you already know where this story is headed to right? So, I get home, build a makeshift aquarium complete with river and firestones. The baby fish had to be comfortable and in their natural habitat yes? Same case with the bird, my eyes would be on my wrist watch for the bell to ring and I would dash out, rush with my 3 O'clock tea and snack and be the first in the school bus awaiting to get home. I was excited because at least fish did not fly right? So, one day I get home and find that my fish had grown legs. One by one they hopped out of the aquarium and out of my life! One even jumped on my face! That was the end of me and my fish! My grades were so bad at this point. So, naturally my parents did not accept any more pets! Grown ups tend to throw their weight around! I could hardly wait to grow up to do the same to my kids!

Besides Noel that healed my childhood and grown up self enough to hug that inner child and assure me that I did not have a toxic love affair with her animal friends... I have also had great relations with cats. As a child I had one kitten. Very gentle but I constantly got chest infections so it disappeared. When you grow up, you realise you had mafias for parents and unless you wanted World War III to be unleashed, you let most of the things slide. Why do you think I used to run for my life when chased by animals? I wanted to grow up and realise the power of adulthood. I am still trying to figure out that so called power in my 30's! Sigh! Cats are adorable little creatures. They will act nonchalant but quietly follow you around whilst demanding for cuddles and hugs. When they do not want any physical touch and you are petting them? You end up with scratches enough for your doctor to want to call in an exorcist on your physical exam to consult and your boyfriend to think that you have extra curricular affairs with terrestrials because how do you explain- My cat did it-? I have scratches on my stomach, breasts, back... Yes! As a grown up I have adopted three cats and currently living with one. My grown up flex is telling... screaming... at Arya to stop scratching furniture and she just looks at me, blinks slowly and continues as she stretches her body! I am starting to question my childhood runs and wondering what exactly I was running for. I now parent an unbothered feline! I never thought this was the grown up life that was set aside for me. But here we are. Dog bite marks, cat scratch marks, muscle memory of cow and chicken attacks, lizard scares, birds flying out of my life, fish turning into baby frogs... I will still see a dog being walked and I will... 'Awww. that is a cute dog' and I outright stretch my arm to pet it. I will see a cow and turn the other way. I will snuggle cats. I eat fish. It is wise to note that I am allergic to fur hence allergic to my cat. That allergy clearly started when I was a kid as even with Noel I needed antihistamines to get through our love. I still need antihistamines to live with Arya who demands to sleep in my bed and jump on me any opportunity she gets- when she wants to. My toxic love affair with animals in deed.

Lesson to learn? Always follow your heart afflictions! In my case they have given me allergies and physical marks! But still alive and kicking. I would not change my toxic trait for anything!