SEXUAL ECSTACY

 I am an anxious person; Not by choice. Having being diagnosed with anxiety disorder early, well... I have come a long way in learning how to manage it. Lateness, hard exams, trying to complete tasks that seem to be on a snurl up, trying to understand something that doesn't seem as easy as I had initially thought, thinking about a confrontation with a person in authority, a spouse, a friend I care about, a relative..... all these get me very anxious. This is just a small list of what makes my brain freeze and I basically can not move from that spot until I jump over all the hurdles my brain seems to have put up. What's funny is, anxiousness raises my sexual tension and my mind shifts from focussing on the said hurdle to a sexual tension I need to release. I know how this looks; ;-))) INSANITY right? Well, unless I release the sexual tension, no matter what I do, my brain simply can not go back to the task at hand. I will never be able to complete or  decipher anything. 

This came as a surprise to me when I was just 12 years old. I had a serious math test. Nothing made sense. I found myself battling a terrible flu that initially was non existent. On the math paper, everything was blank all words were blurry and I couldn't even read the questions! One hour later I had only written my name. I suddenly started rocking myself  think as a comfort then started shaking, well, everything pointed to flanking the paper. The only evident thing was failing so I started sweating profusely not imagining failing another exam considering my parents were not at their best in their marriage. From nowhere, a splash of ecstacy, endorphins and ease filled my body. I truly did not understand what had happened until I visited the toilet in our class room. Seeing that there was no time to figure out what was happening to my body parts now that they were all covered with wetness, I cleaned up and hurried back to my seat and to my amazement, every question was clear and I had an answer to every question. Suffice to say, I got two badges that term; a math badge and the most improved badge. I was a happy lassie.

This went on for the remaining years in primary, throughout high school... it actually got me through some crazy stuff at home. Think this is how my brain decided to cope with any and every issue every time I was anxious, which was a lot; I embraced that. It came automatically and saved me from myself and left me focused enough to the task at hand. The instances however got minimal as I grew older and was able to confront some of my fears even though, that sweet spot still drew me in like a voice telling me It will be available when I needed it.

I later did a research on it and apparently, our brains will protect us from harm and self distraction. So, that sweet spot of climaxing on your own when anxious, is simply your body yearning for dopamine and endorphins and the only way to produce them quickly, is to set your body to have an out of body ecstasy experience that takes less than one minute and leaves you calm and ready for the task at hand.

 What can I say, wonders of the mind are a glow! Enjoy your SEXUAL EXPLOSIONS!

Painting by Jim Warren.